Another busy couple of months.  Since it’s not cold anymore, I decided to change the blog theme to something less ‘icy/cold’.  Not crazy about it yet, but it might grow on me.  Had a good time with my parents, who came down for my birthday and spent a long weekend here.  Actually ended up getting a lot of stuff done with the house

• Moved the shower head that was mounted where a bathtub faucet would go (still haven’t been able to figure that one out yet…)
• Ran some new RG-6 coax through the house.  I was suffering some pretty bad internet performance with the old RG-59 that the house was wired with.  Now I can get all the lulz
• Put a light in the fan in the upstairs-front-porch.

My parents also bought us some porch furniture and a little outside garden shed for…the garden stuff.  It will at least be good as an interim solution ’till the actual shed is constructed.  My dad and I debated buying a shed vs. building one and we both agreed that it will probably be easier to build one from scratch then figure out how to move pre-built parts from the front to the back yard.  One downside of the house is that the property ‘funnels’ from the street to the back, instead of being straight parallel lines.  So walking on the side of the house from the front to the back your path becomes narrower.  This fact will pose yet more interesting engineering problems when I throw together a privacy fence this year

The next big home improvement project I want to tackle is the yard.  It’s pretty much an overgrown mess.  There’s about a 4 sq ft patch of grass in the back yard (and fairly sparse at that) and the rest is either loose soil or covered in weeds.  Further complicating things is the invasive tree species Cinnamomum camphora, which has a nasty habit of sprouting up all over the damned yard and killing everything.  Since the camphor tree is about the size of the house, it’s something I’ll have to live with in the front yard.  However, I might go medieval on one in the back yard when i put up a new fence.

In other exciting news, we ended up getting a puppy, which we have named Greta.  Though I lovingly refer to her as “The Great Satan” in no small part due to her love of chewing everything (including me and our other dog Otis).  WARNING: Adorable puppy pictures after the break

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So I’m the proud owner (tenant?) of an old house in the Historic Springfield neighborhood.  The Springfield neighborhood is known for its nice historic homes, urban blight, and proximity to downtown (also known for urban blight).  While this might deter other buyers, I am both an armchair socialist and swayed by the opinions of my girlfriend.  Really, it was mostly the girlfriend.  In Jacksonville, there’s a saying that ‘Springfield is just around the corner…still’.  This is mostly owed to the lack of development in the area since 1950, and preference for other historical neighborhoods such as Riverside, San Marco, and Avondale.  To couch it in OKC terms, it’s like Heritage Hills houses, with the NE OKC neighborhood.  However, there is genuine interest in restoring the neighborhood and making it a decent place to live.  And honestly my experiences thus far reinforce that.

Jacksonville, is a weird city, much like OKC.  It has termendous amounts of sprawl, and deurbanization levels that probably compare with Pittsburgh and Detroit.  In doing a little research I found this to be a good aid in understanding the history of Jacksonville.  It appears like most cities, it fell victim to the infernal machine known as the Automobile, with the crushing weight of racism and segregation thrown on top.  For example, the city borders before consolidation of Jacksonville and Duval County, circa 1932:

With a population of roughly 130,000, Jacksonville was the largest city in Florida at the time.  The peak population of this area was over 200,000 in the 1950 census.  In stark contrast, the current population of this same area is less then 1930, with a 2000 census of 112,753.  After the consolidation of the county and city in 1968 here is a map of the current borders, population 778,879 in 2000.  Take note, the cities of Jax Beach, Atlantic Beach, Neptune Beach, and Baldwin are not incorporated into the city.  Probably makes sense, since it takes a good 30 minutes to get from my neighborhood to the beaches (Baldwin isn’t listed because it’s a terrible place that no one should ever visit).

What are the consequences of the county-city consolidation and the decline of the urban center?

• Homes are cheap, and at least 20 minutes away from Applebee’s (A significant Quality of Life Indicator)
• Jerks in the ‘burbs pay for my safety and infrastructure
• Jerks in the ‘burbs do anything they can to keep money out of the city center

When James Madison wrote about “Spheres of Interests”, I don’t think he meant city governance.  More on Springfield later.

As some of you may already know, I found myself involved in a somewhat consensual relationship with a boat.  I used ’somewhat consensual’ there, because everyone understands sexual innuendo, truly making it the lowest form of wit; also, it seems to aptly describe a situation in which I owned a boat that utterly refused to go into the water.  It’s like going to a harem and ending up hanging curtains and fixing plumbing; it’s not like you can ask for the money back (Or can you? I’m only halfway through this.  I’ll let you know what I find out).

So anyways the boat.  It was a 27ft Bayliner US Yachts, from ‘81 I believe.  It had been blown up in a cove by a tropical storm, but was apparently fine.  It was here that I made a critical misjudgment.  See, the Florida Wildlife Commission had a problem with this boat being all beached up in the woods as such, and was real specific about getting it the hell outta there before they did and sent you the bill.  So, I’ve got this guy telling me:
a) he’s got a boat
b) it needs a little work (But it sails!)
c) it’s free.
d) It’s in the woods, but it can be gotten out

Do you see what I missed?  It’s the part where I ask myself “Why isn’t the boat out already if it’s so easy to get out?" 

Answer: It’s not easy at all.

What followed was an exercise in futility and madness; the fellow who had ‘given’ me the boat was apparently a fine connoisseur of cursed, godforsaken watercraft of all sorts.  I honestly believe on the three attempts to move the boat, more time was spent fixing the boat we were using than getting the other boat out of the woods.

And that’s nothing to say of the locals

So, the boat, with all of the good intentions, was cut like the loss that it was.  It’s a shame really, but it was in no shape to be salvaged by me.  Perhaps it has found itself a better home in fairer seas.

I, however, think it’s still stuck up in that Goddammed cove.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years everyone, I’ll be here all night. Drink specials between 5-8

Well, I moved to Florida last week, and I’ve been settling in fairly well.  Bart and I had quite the adventure and it was super awesome to hang out with him.  I’m still missing a bunch of my stuff, and don’t have a desk for the compy and such yet, so I don’t feel fully moved in yet.  But, so far it has been interesting.  Let us do another list to give the lowdown on Florida

Don’t Ever go to New Orleans

It is a terrible place, where you will be robbed and spend 4 hours digging through trash cans looking for your identification so your girlfriend can Western Union you money.  Oh yeah, and people will give you funny looks and won’t talk to you because you look homeless, and homeless people won’t talk to you because you don’t have money.  Except for the guy who sleeps in the park and knifes people.  He’ll talk your damn ear off

It’s Really Hot in Florida

Like, really hot.  I mean, temperature wise, it’s actually cooler than Oklahoma.  But when you have 89% humidity at 8:30 in the morning, you pretty much know you did something offensive to God and he put you here to suffer

“The Sunshine State” is a ploy like naming Greenland “Greenland”

Yeah, it is sunny; while you’re at work.  Then, about 5:00pm, a thunderstorm roles in and makes it impossible to take advantage of warm sandy beaches or, you know, the SUN.  The only upside is that the humidity drops down to only 59%.

People are Crazy Here

Which is true elsewhere, from my observations.  On Thursday night, seeing as how I didn’t have work the next day and Billy had mailed me my passport so I could identify myself to appropriate agents, I went out to the bar by my lonesome to see what was going on in this “Florida".  Within a not-enough-time-to-be-nearly-drunk-enough-for-this-kind-of-thing-yet moment, I’m grabbed by a “lady of questionable morals who perhaps has an affection for ‘tinctures of excitability’” and told them I’m totally awesome and beautiful.

Now, seeing as I’m not one to question people with such impeccable judgment, I proceeded to follow her to ‘the club’, where I imbibed spirits and watched a seemingly endless array of attractive homosexual men grab each other by the naughty bits.  The purpose of this story is, really, to invite my friends of alternative sexualities to come get some ass, because there’s plenty of it.

Good Grocery Stores and Seafood

Publix is quite a good grocery, with what I can tell to be a fine assortment of cheeses and other gourmet items.  For a mere 6 dollars, you can get a sub that is at least 5 thousand times better then Subway.  Also, seafood is awesome.  You can get a dozen oysters for $6 (everyone costs $6 in Florida) and they are at least 5 million times better than an oyster procured in Oklahoma (I’ve only had oysters in Florida and Oklahoma, so I’m not really an expert here.  Sorry?).

Liqour

I’ve finally thrown off the yoke of ‘non-intoxicating beverages’ and embraced full point Miller Highlife.  It’s like falling in love all over again.  Wine can be purchased at both groceries and gas stations, at seemingly all hours.  I haven’t really figured out how buying Whisky works yet, because we tried at one store and it was closed, but then we went across the street to a bar that is also a liquor store and bought some.   Which, by the way, is completely awesome.

That’s really most of what I’ve discovered about Florida.  I’ve been pretty much broke because all of my money and credit cards were stolen, so until I get paid on Friday, I won’t be able to have very more adventures.  We might go to Universal Studios this weekend.  I’ll wave hi to the tard they feed liquor and dress up as Shrek for everyone while I’m there.