Like most people, I have a list of things I wish I had seen and done before it became impossible to do so. I would have liked to see the Ramones in concert; meet Kwame Nkrumah; and to see a mock trial put on by a repressive totalitarian regime to liquidate political opposition. Well, this past week one of my dreams has been realized by the conservative Iranian regime rounding up about a 100 old men, dressing them in prison pajamas and beating them within an inch of their life to extract ludicrous confessions of foreign collaboration against the regime. It’s quite amazing really; I would have thought that in an age where Twitter was winning the war against repression, that something as antiquated as blood-stained confessions would be no match.

Alas, nobody informed the Iranian government, whose ‘cunning plan’ is likely to use these confessions to arrest bigger political figures in the reform movement. Foreign Policy contributor Daniel Drezner pointed out that televising these trials live is not nearly as effective as after-the-fact radio broadcasts or print propaganda. The consensus appears to be that few people are actually buying the confessions, which allege foreign collusion with the Reform movement to overthrow the Islamic Republic. Or something like that. Now, it’s one thing to get a political opponent to say that in a ‘official’ capacity; but it’s another thing when you see it delivered by a man whose lost thirty pounds and looks like his face had gone 5 rounds with a baton. If perhaps they Twittered their confessions, it would be immeasurably more effective.

“Khatami: @Ayatollah I totally lied about the elections and hate the Iranian Republic. Also, I love the USA and think that Islam is teh Suxz0r”

Right! Now that’s some propaganda! Guilty as hell, I say!. Now make him fans of the UK and the US Army on his Facebook profile and you’ll have the whole ‘Reformist’ (aka: Pro-Western Traitor) movement nipped in the bud by the end of the week. I just made this up, and I already believe it 100%.

Now, I’m not saying that I support the Iranian government; it’s just that if this is the only mockery of justice that I get to see in my lifetime, I want it to at least be done right. If not, then the whole sad tradition of fabricating false allegations against political opponents faces the threat of extinction. Take for example, the Stalinist trials in the 30’s; he was able to do two of them before most people started to even think that they might be a complete crock. From what I can tell, no one is taking the current trials seriously; except the Iranian government, (which is important, because they’re the ones with the firing squads).

But really, this is just another example of how the United States has fallen behind in yet another endeavor. It’s been nearly 60 years since we as a nation have engaged in an old-fashioned political witch-hunt. And no, I will not include tea-bagging, birthers, and Medicare beneficiaries screaming about socialism as “real” forms of political character assassination. The political right in this country is so terrible at this, their godless, communist, liberal enemy had to fabricate their spurious evidence for them. This is why nobody wants to buy a GM anymore America! I can only hope that in the future, our children will be able to live in a country, where the opponents to progressive change in this country will be able to meticulously and decisively trump up political accusations, use questionable legal practices and generally ruin the lives of their political foes. Sort of like this guy.